I love my un-innocent, imperfect life <3

I'm definitely not the model student or child. If I fail a test, it's unlikely I will think much of it for more than 5 minutes... if that... A grade less than an A does not scare me whatsoever. My parents have barely any clue what year I am in in school, let alone the concept of skyward online grading. When I said I was taking the ACT, my dad asked if it was a theater audition, (acting?! wtf!) not a nationally administered standardized test. My parents and I have a trust relationship when it comes to school, they know I'm trying my best and doing what I need to do, they never know what projects or tests are going on to give me reminders to study or meet deadlines. Thus, I have academic freedom and independence. There is also no pressure to go to a particular college. My mom wants me to apply wherever I want to go, whether it be Harvard or Normandale. I am definitely not perfect, and I will never bother to try to perfect myself. My room is covered in magazine clippings, there is probably diet coke cans stacked up from finals from last term, likely a mound of clothes the size of everest in the middle of the floor, my lacrosse stick strewn across one corner and my guitar in the other. My family is not full of success stories. I will be exceeding the expectations if I graduate from high school on time and without any major chemical dependencies. My family would love me even if I dropped out and took a liking to cocaine next weekend. Living in the moment is something I do best, and it doesn't always turn out perfect, but it's good enough for me. I'm experienced in certain adult ventures, but how does that make me a bad person? There were never those forbidden fruits in my house. I rarely call my parents to update them about my whereabouts, they know I'll be smart and figure out the evening myself. They were never worried about me working in a restaurant, an industry known for its dysfunctional people, and getting exposure to the much less desirable aspects of life. I competed in debate for two years, and got to third place, respectively, at state tournaments both years, did I force my parents to watch long debates so I could feel supported? hell no, I did it for myself and by myself. Oops I just swore in a blog post, how trashy of me. Like I said, IMPERFECTION. I've attended concerts where you were less likely to find someone who wasn't stoned at more risky venues than the Xcel center. My parents have no idea who a majority of my friends are, even if I introduce them, it's likely they'll forget in 10 minutes, so what is the point? My mom knows I have way more guy friends than girl friends, but she knows that it's simply because I get along with boys much better than girls, because they bring less drama to the table. I know I'm imperfect, but I am a good person. I don't accuse people of things I am not certain that they did. I don't say things about people behind their backs if I don't have the balls to say the exact same thing to their face. I definitely do not trust most people, but I can roll with life and pretend that I do anyway. I value every moment of my life, and if it requires breaking the rules, drinking too much caffeine and spending impulsively, than so be it. Gotta live like we're dying.

The Minimal Existence of a Nova Girl

Another day in paradise, or at least Plymouth, Minnesota. Apparently it is the number one place to live according to money magazine, and if they were evaluating based on amount of wealth then they must have accidentally been re-routed to Wayzata and then lied in their reviews. The sun is shining, or at least I think it is, I can’t really see out the darkened windows of the restaurant. I have just unlocked the front doors and flipped on the neon OPEN sign, and now I get to sit and anticipate the first customers.

Much to my expectation, they arrive. A minivan rolls up and to my horror, a definite soccer mom steps out. She is not alone. Lurking in the back seat are three ankle biters, all with runny noses and whiny dispositions. I watch from the inside; seeing this mom struggle to free the brats from their car seats is more action packed and violent than watching UFC on Comcast. They proceed into the restaurant, the kids break from their mothers restraints and run about as if the booth seats and soda fountain were a jungle gym. They spread their bacteria everywhere and cling to the counter, and stick their hands in my tip jar, which is fortunately empty at this point so I do not have to worry about wrestling hard earned dollars from pint-sized hands. The mother ignores their misbehavior and explores the menu, asking questions along the way.

“Does your Garden Pizza have vegetables on it?” Uhm. Yes. They finally order and once their food comes up, take it and leave. Now I get to examine the damage that has been done to my restaurant.

Looks like I can add “mopping parmesan cheese off the floor,” and “reassembling the soda machine” to my resume.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

OKAY so i finished half of the homework assignment and before progressing on to my next essay, which I have no idea what i want to do, instead i'm going to take a break and compose a christmas shopping list since MAWIAH and i are rendezvousing off to the big MALL OF AMERICA after 2:20.

OKAY so for my cousin Anna I got her a silver pendant of the buddhist "om" symbol because she really wanted a tattoo of it, im hoping that the necklace will defer her from inking her body. I still need a chain for it

Mariah... hmm she is right next to me so i wont say it

Laura medcalf - i want to frame a picture of us so that requires getting a picture developed and purchasing a frame

Brittni - done with her gifts

Anna wolverton - still need to get her something... AHHH SHES MY WIFE

Jenna - still want to get her a piece of jewelry to accompany the goat

Stephen- need a gas card along with his DVD

Mom and Dad - giftcard to the Oceanaire

OKAAAYYYY stress. Now back to the assignment

Voltaire: Re-AMPED

A figure that has had an impact on my outlook on life is the philosopher and writer, Voltaire. He is French, writes eloquent political material and isn’t afraid to stand up to authority, all qualities I enjoy.

He contributed to the Enlightenment, a changing time in the history of the modern world. He advocated for free trade, civil liberties and religious freedoms. Despite strict censorship laws during this time, he still produced political satire and was not afraid to criticize any institution he viewed as unjust.

Voltaire is an inspiration to me, not only as an aspiring writer, but also as an emerging adult in society. Information, biases and opinions are constantly enforced through the media and through personal friendships. Thinking like Voltaire helps me to escape the suppressions of my personal thoughts brought on by external influences. He stood up for what he believed in, and dared to criticize the government and the Catholic Church, both of which resulted in imprisonments and exiles, but these punishments ceased to scare him into silence. I will not suppress my own thoughts and opinions, even if expression results in disagreements.

Voltaire reminds me of the importance of independence, in terms of self-reliance and thought. Freedom of speech is a blessing and learning about the life of Voltaire reminds me to show my gratitude in my writing and in what I believe and stand up for.

The Inner Ring

The Inner Ring by CS Lewis is a piece that I completely agree with. It reinforces the saying "We adore those who ignore us and ignore those who adore us," a statement I have always agreed with but never understood. The inner circle, the coveted close-knit group of friends is something everyone wants, because it provides security. There is a lot that one has to sacrifice in order to reach the inner ring, the military examples reminded me of the hazings that take place at initiation for sororities and fraternities. Mostly everyone wants the close social relationships that being in a sorority or fraternity would give them, but the ridiculous things that they have to do for acceptance make it seem not even worth it. But people do it anyway, and continue the tradition of hazing freshman and recruiting during rush week. Why? Why would anyone put their health and reputation at risk to join a group of people that they will eventually grow sick of and want to get away from? A lot of times, people speak very highly of their sororities and fraternities, it helps them make friends and go to social events, which I understand, but it still follows the same principle of abandoning the friends and values you know for something completely different, something deemed more desirable. I do not think this ideal will ever really change, it is an inevitable occurrence with competition, and although it is difficult to understand why people cannot be satisfied with the company that they already keep, the inner ring helps to lay out a serious reality of society and human desire for improvement.

Remove yourself

Transcendentalism is a philosophy that focuses mainly on the self. It is somewhat of an anti-religion, because instead of worshipping some sort of idol or god, the subject seeks to find an inner light, and their own individual peace. Emerson and Thoreau illustrate this philosophy in their writing, because they focus on a certain kind of disconnect that is often forgotten in society, but is completely priceless. Communication is a constant demand and it keeps individuals from uncovering their true selves. Continual submergence into a fast paced and demanding society also is a major distraction and barrier to finding out who the inner self is and figuring out what that self really needs in life. If all people lived with a transcendentalist mantra, the need for grades would be eradicated. Phones and computers eliminated. People would know who they are, and as a whole society would become a lot smarter, without artificial surroundings to constantly taint their inner being.

Art.

I typically think of myself to not be an artistic person at all, but I'm starting to realize that despite my lack of ability to draw anything outside of the realm of a flower or a heart does not put me in a category of a non-artist.
I appreciate art. I love attending musical concerts and not only feeling the rhythm and the lyrics of the performer, but also the collective feeling and atmosphere that is resonated within the audience as well. I would love to be able to draw and paint awesome pictures depicting my inner thoughts and emotions, but paint and shading pencils are just not my media. The pen is, however. Writing has become my own personal outlet for artistic expression and personal expression. It allows me to write out those feelings, the same way a painter can depict deep emotions by blending colors and painting vivid images.